Category Archives: Trans

Transgender issues, including nonbinary

Cissexism, Heterosexism, LGBTQIA, Racism, Speciesism, Trans, Veganism

LGBTQ vegans on the Orlando massacre

3 Comments

[Image: Activists in the Castro, San Francisco, hold three rainbow flags aloft. One includes the stars of the United States flag, and another includes the words “We Have One Pulse.”]

Last week I was contacted by Richard Bowie of VegNews magazine for my thoughts, as a queer vegan, on the Orlando massacre. Today, the magazine published the responses from myself and several other LGBTQ vegans, including my friend and fellow Black Vegans Rock advisory board member Christopher Sebastian, and my friend Saryta Rodriguez who I interviewed earlier this year.

I was aware my remarks would be edited, and I am glad they included what I said about erasure of the Latinx community, which I also posted about this weekend. I said a lot more though, so I’m including my full responses below (the questions themselves are paraphrased). I’ve added links to relevant blog posts and articles. Thanks to Richard Bowie and VegNews for reaching out to queer vegans, and particularly to queer vegans of color, on this issue.

On my initial reaction to the news

My initial reaction was muted, because, sadly, I’d become so accustomed to reports of gun violence that I was somewhat jaded and numb. It took a few hours of reading and absorbing what had happened for the horror to really sink in. I’ve had feelings of anger, fear, and hopelessness; feelings I experience daily as a queer black trans person who suffers from depression, but now even more magnified. These feelings have been tempered only by the privilege of living in a very LGBTQ-friendly community; thousands of San Franciscans came out to hold space at Harvey Milk Plaza in a vigil for the dead.

On drawing a connection between the queer community and ethical veganism

As a person who identifies as agender, I have seen and been personally affected by the false binaries humans have erected of gay and straight, male and female, masculine and feminine. Anyone who strays outside of the charmed circle of cisgender heteronormativity loses the privilege of being treated as a full human being. Gay or trans “panic” is still a legal defense for murder in 49 out of 50 U.S. states.

The human/animal divide is another false binary. We needlessly exploit and kill billions of our fellow animals every year for no reason other than that they are members of different species. We cite arbitrary traits like intelligence or the ability to speak a recognizable language as justification for deciding who is a person and who is food. But just as straight-passing and cis-passing queer people who practice “respectability politics” enjoy greater privileges, animals who remind us more of ourselves – apes, dogs, elephants – are afforded greater protections and recognition as individuals in society.

Regardless of intelligence or abilities, every animal, human or otherwise, wants to live. Until animals are treated as people instead of property, we will never have a fair and just society for all.

On the media diminishing or ignoring the queer context of the tragedy

It’s grossly irresponsible, though not at all surprising, of the mainstream news outlets to erase queer and Latinx people and focus solely or primarily on terrorism (which also breeds Islamophobia). This shooting took place in a gay nightclub on Latin night. Latina and black trans women were featured performers that evening. The vast majority of the victims were Latinx. This was not a mere coincidence.

As a queer person of color, I am tired of our communities being erased and tokenized. The hashtag “#WeAreOrlando” is wrong. We are not all Orlando, and cishet white people should be amplifying the voices of the queer and Latinx people whose communities were specifically targeted by this attack.

Anything else to add?

Going through a gender transition has made me even more sensitive to speciesism and the vast scope of unnecessary, avoidable harm we inflict upon others. We live in a culture of sanctioned, accepted violence, in the streets, in our homes, and on our plates. To achieve true peace we need to stop treating our fellow beings as inferior or disposable, regardless of their sexual orientation, gender identity, race, or even species. We should recognize and celebrate our differences, not erase them or use them as excuses for violence.

Addendum, June 22: Saryta Rodriguez has now also posted her full responses to the interview questions.

Cissexism, LGBTQIA, Trans

Dysphoria, depression, and decisions

1 Comment

[Image: Pax (pre-transition) stands in semi-darkness in their underwear, in front of closed vertical blinds.]

Content note: Discussion of medical issues and suicidal ideation.

This morning, I took a hot shower for the first time in five days. The aging water heater in our apartment building had broken down on Sunday, and maintenance staff weren’t able to replace it until last night. Hot running water on demand is a luxury many people do not enjoy, to be sure; but when you are paying San Francisco rent prices, you come to expect certain amenities. So our building management arranged for free passes to a nearby gym, so that all tenants could have access to hot showers until the repairs were complete.

Unfortunately, I was not able to take advantage of this offer. My visible breasts make it unsafe for me to undress in a men’s locker room, and I simply do not belong in a facility for women. Though I generally avoided gyms and public pools for years even before my transition, I knew that this problem would come up eventually. Since I had no specific plans this week and tend to stay home a lot anyway, I simply went without showering (or exercising, so that I wouldn’t get too sweaty). But if I’d had to go to a workplace without access to a private shower, this solution would not have been possible.

I’ve written before about my thoughts on breasts and my reluctance to have top surgery. I am still resentful that I feel pressured to remove parts of my body that I don’t personally have a problem with, simply to fit in better with members of my transitioned sex. This resentment, coupled with discomfort and fear whenever I’m out in public and worried about being misgendered due to my appearance, is really wearing on my mental health. I don’t know if I can realistically live the rest of my life feeling this way, wearing extra layers even in hot weather, and unable to take off my shirt in public.

Knowing that some transmasculine people who have had top surgery still get misgendered as female makes me feel even more hopeless. I am reluctant to commit to the cost, risk, and pain of an operation that won’t even guarantee the results I’m seeking, which is simply to be accepted as male. I don’t need top surgery to feel more comfortable in my own skin; hormone therapy has taken care of that, affordably (thanks to my partner’s health insurance) and with much less risk. The operations that would further alleviate my physical dysphoria would be a hysterectomy/oophorectomy, which despite being considered by some as “routine” is not without potential complications; and genital reconstruction, which has serious risks and limitations in its current state for FtM patients.

Physical risk is something I think about a lot, and part of why my heart still races and my hand still shakes every time I prepare to inject myself with testosterone, even 2 1/2 years into my physical transition. I’ve felt for a long time that I will die young, either due to illness, accident, or violence, including suicide. Suicidal ideation is sadly common among trans people, and I experienced it for years even before I knew I was trans, with one near-attempt in 2009. Therapy helped me through the worst of it, but for reasons I explained previously, I’m not seeing a therapist or taking anti-depressants right now.

I’m not writing this to seek sympathy or advice. I’m simply trying to explain to cisgender people what it’s like for a trans person to exist in a cissexist society. I didn’t choose to be trans. I did choose the label of “agender” as the most appropriate way to convey my rejection of the gender binary, but I am a transsexual male by nature, regardless of what modifications I make to my body. I’m not a trend or a special snowflake. There’s a real live human being with real feelings behind these typed words. Please remember that, and think before you speak.

Cissexism, LGBTQIA, Trans

Journey Beyond the Binary: Pax on Huffington Post

[Image: Headshot of Pax next to the words “Journey Beyond Binary—Huff Post”. Photo by Ziggy Tomcich, text and layout by Alyssa Spatola.]

I’m pleased to announce that my essay “Men in Skirts“—featuring a photo of my partner Ziggy—has been selected for a new blog series in the Huffington Post: “Journey Beyond the Binary.” An editor for HuffPost’s “Queer Voices” section contacted me after seeing the story on Medium (though it was originally posted here on this blog), and I agreed to contribute.

huffpost-queervoices-20160609[Image: A screenshot of the Huffington Post “Queer Voices” section for June 9, 2016. A headline reading “Journey Beyond the Binary” appears above a photo of a rainbow; the text below reads “Introducing HuffPost’s Brand New Blog Series!”]

The series is featured right now on the Queer Voices section, and linked from the front page of the Huffington Post web site. I am glad to contribute my voice to trans and non-binary visibility.

Ziggy in Seattle[Image: Ziggy reclines on a sculpture, wearing a purple shirt and colorful tie-dyed skirt.]

Congratulations Ziggy, you and your skirt are now famous! 😉

Cissexism, Heterosexism, LGBTQIA, Trans

Gender and gaming: The Sims bulldozes binaries

1 Comment

[Image: A screenshot of the Create a Sim screen from The Sims 4. Pax’s Sim has long black locs and is wearing a black and white patterned jacket, black hat, and black jeans.]

In a climate of relentless cissexism and transphobia, it’s great to share some good news for trans and non-binary people for a change. Today, Maxis announced new gender customization options in The Sims 4, the latest version of their mega-popular video game. All Sims will now have full access to all hairstyles, clothing, makeup, accessories, and other formerly gendered attributes.

I’ve been wanting this change for a long time. I had posted about it numerous times on the official game forums, most recently just a week ago when players were speculating about new unisex clothing options:

Sims forum comment on gender[Image: A screenshot from The Sims forums (text below).]

No clothing “belongs” to any gender.

As I’ve said in other threads, if it were up to me, all clothing, hairstyles, jewelry, and makeup would be available to all Sims in CAS [“Create a Sim”]. The game could be coded to ensure that townies only show up with what most players consider to be conventional styles for their genders. If people really objected to men having long hair or skirt options even in CAS, I guess there could be another option to hide “unconventional” styles in CAS or something.

What I most wanted to do was to make a more accurate Sim of my partner Ziggy, who likes wearing skirts. Ziggy is genderqueer, not a trans woman; he uses he/him pronouns and is not currently pursuing any sort of gender transition. He just prefers wearing clothing that is branded as “feminine.” Now, I can finally dress his Sim appropriately, and give him better hair to boot:

Ziggy Sim in purple skirt[Image: A screenshot of the Create a Sim screen from The Sims 4. Ziggy’s Sim is wearing a floral purple-and-white blouse, purple skirt, and lavender hat. Under the “Fashion Choice” menu, the word “Feminine” is checked.

Ziggy Sim at the mirror[Image: A screenshot from The Sims 4. Ziggy’s Sim is seen from the back, in front of a mirror, wearing a floral purple-and-white blouse, purple skirt, lavender hat, and long, braided lavender and white hair.]

I haven’t changed my own self-Sim much yet, as I prefer clothing that is branded as “masculine,” and my Sim counterpart in this version has always been male. But I love that I can now have the long locs that my male self-Sim sported in The Sims 3, which were only available for female Sims in this version before today.

Pax Sim with long locs[Image: A screenshot of the Create a Sim screen from The Sims 4. Pax’s Sim has long black locs and is wearing a black V-neck T-shirt, black cap, and blue jeans.]

I’m very happy that The Sims has continually become more progressive and affirming of people with different sexual orientations and gender identities. Same-sex relationships have been supported since the beginning, with The Sims in the year 2000; the first Sim I created was a gay man, and he ended up living in a house with three other gay male Sims. The Sims 2 added “joining” which was not quite equivalent to marriage, and then The Sims 3 added full same-sex marriage in 2009, years before it became legal nationwide in the USA.

Support for varying gender identities and expressions was the next logical step. As the Sims team explained:

  • ..the team also worked very closely with GLAAD to assure that the update was authentic and respectful to the transgender community.
  • … I’m very proud that we managed to remove some barriers to creating Sims that defy stereotypical gender definition.

Of course, this change will not come without backlash. I’ve read a lot of cissexist and heterosexist comments on the forums whenever gender identity or non-hetero sexual orientations have been mentioned. Although blatant hate speech is normally removed by the moderators, the language is triggering enough to me that I’m mostly avoiding the forums right now. Regardless, the team did reassure players that non-player-created Sims (NPCs or “townies”) would continue to sport traditional “masculine” or “feminine” styles for their sexes:

These options are entirely in your control and the game itself will not modify how Sims appear in your world. Instead this is about adding more tools in your toolbox, and letting you pick the tools that make sense to you while ignoring what doesn’t.

I am looking forward to spending more time exploring all the new options available to my many Sim families. I am grateful that in an industry known for sexist oppression, there’s at least one safer harbor where I can more freely express my authentic self.

Ableism, Cissexism, Classism, LGBTQIA, Racism, Sexism, Speciesism, Trans, Veganism

Dear marginalized vegans: You are enough

15 Comments

[Image: Section from a panel of a Robot Hugs comic. Words at the top read “No one benefits from being told that their pain is unimportant, or non existant [sic]!” Below the words is a scale with a lighter weight reading “Not Harm” and a heavier weight reading “Harm.”]

This post is addressed to vegans who are marginalized due to their race, gender, class, sexual orientation, physical or mental abilities, or other factors. This post primarily concerns vegans currently living in the USA.

In light of certain animal rights disruptions in the news, you might be feeling pressured to “do something” for the animals. You might be reading that having vegan potlucks and the like without committing to activism is being selfish and ineffective. You might be reading that our fellow animals suffer more than any humans do, so whatever your personal situation, you have a responsibility to fight for animal rights.

You might be hearing this from any or all of the following:

The list goes on and on, but you get the picture.

As a queer black trans vegan who suffers from significant depression and dysphoria, I am here to tell you this:

You are enough.

You are enough if all you can do is have a vegan potluck.

You are enough if all you can do is buy prepared vegan meals from a non-vegan restaurant or supermarket.

You are enough if all you can do is share photos of farmed animals on social media.

You are enough if all you can do  is cuddle with your companion animals.

You are enough if all you can do is get out of bed in the morning.

If you can do more than this, great. But the fact that some marginalized vegans are able to be activists for the animals does not obligate you to do so.

It’s a violent world out there. Let’s take care of each other.

Cissexism, LGBTQIA, Trans

Trans education: Telling our own stories

[Image: Screenshot of the Transgender Today section of the New York Times, featuring images of and quotes from many people, with the headline Transgender Lives: Your Stories]

Last week I participated on two panels of trans and non-binary people, educating graduate therapy students in the San Francisco Bay Area. These presentations were arranged and conducted by Sam Davis, a queer and trans psychotherapist. We were compensated for our time, and it was an empowering experience.

I hope to do more of this sort of work, as I become more comfortable speaking about these issues in public. Especially following my presentations at the Intersectional Justice Conference and the Bay Area WikiSalon, I’ve become increasingly aware of the importance of trans people telling our own stories, rather than letting the mainstream media shape our narratives.

While my public speaking experiences thus far have been positive, I realize that not all audiences will be receptive or respectful. A recent article by Kai Cheng Thom and Ivan Coyote illustrates some of the challenges faced by trans educators that cisgender people might be ignorant about. Safe travel is a particular concern of mine, due to the TSA screening process that penalizes “traveling while trans“, and the trans-antagonistic bathroom bills being proposed in many states.

Trans and non-binary people have always existed, and we are here to stay. Making more people aware of that fact through face-to-face meetings is a necessary component of trans liberation.

Cissexism, LGBTQIA, Photography, Trans

Transforming California

2 Comments

[Image: Trans activists Pau Lagarde, Kris Hayashi, and Elliott Fukui at the Bay Area launch of Transform California in San Francisco. Kris Hayashi is holding a sign reading “Nuestras Voces, Nuestro Futuro” (Our Voices, Our Future).]

Yesterday I attended the San Francisco launch of Transform California, a campaign founded by the Transgender Law Center and Equality California to fight discrimination against trans and gender-nonconforming people in California. Speakers included Transgender Law Center Executive Director Kris Hayashi, Equality California Executive Director Rick Zbur, SFUSD Board of Education President Matt Haney, and longtime trans advocate Felicia Flames, who was present at the Compton’s Cafeteria riot.

Rexy Amaral at Transform California rally[Image: Trans advocate Rexy Amaral speaks at a podium in front of the high school from which she recently graduated.]

Rev. Jeanelle Nicolas Ablola at Transform California rally[Image: Rev. Jeanelle Nicolas Ablola speaks into a microphone. A sign on the podium reads “Our Voices, Our Future. TransformCalifornia.com”]

Transform California rally attendees[Image: Attendees at the Transform California rally stand and sit on the steps, holding signs. One seated holds a sign reading “Disabled trans folks gotta piss too!!!”]

Transform California rally[Image: Reporters, camera operators, and onlookers watch the rally from the sidewalk.]

The rally was racially diverse, with a strong representation from the Latinx community, which befitted the Mission District location. Local news stations covered the event.

Felicia Flames at Transform California rally[Image: Trans advocate Felicia Flames stands in front of a pledge she just signed to make California safer for trans people.]

At the conclusion of the event, everyone was invited to sign a pledge (also available on the Transform California web site) to oppose discrimination of trans and gender non-conforming people in California.

My full set of photos from the event is available on Flickr. Please credit me as Pax Ahimsa Gethen if you use any of them, thanks!

Cissexism, LGBTQIA, Trans

Flushing America down the toilet

1 Comment

[Image: A restroom sign showing the stick figure of a person wearing a skirt and the word MEN underneath.]

Eleven states are now suing the federal government over trans people using restrooms. Alabama, Arizona, Georgia, Louisiana, Maine, Oklahoma, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, West Virginia, and Wisconsin join North Carolina in asserting their right to discriminate against trans people performing basic bodily functions.

That’s over 20% of our state governments, spending taxpayer money on the right to police peeing and pooping.

Even Donald Trump, despite his flip-flopping on numerous issues, must realize that this makes no business sense. Unlike Ted Cruz, who openly condemned trans people as perverted abominations of God and nature, Trump won’t even admit what he personally believes on the issue, just repeating the party line: “Leave it up to the states.”

We must be the laughing stock of every civilized country on Earth right now.

Trans

DSE 50th Anniversary 5K

1 Comment

[Image: Pax runs while smiling and making a “V” sign with their fingers. Other runners and the Golden Gate Bridge are in the background. Photo by Ziggy.]

(Content note: Medical  issues.)

This morning, Ziggy and I ran a 5K to celebrate the 50th anniversary of our running club, Dolphin South End Runners. I’d been racing with this club since 2009, so I was really looking forward to the race. Unfortunately, a recent injury almost prevented me from participating.

Due to ongoing depression and recurring illness, I had not run in nearly two months before this week. A slow three mile run on Tuesday left my muscles sore the next day. So when I did my biweekly injection of testosterone, the combination of the sore thigh muscle and being tense led to a normally almost-painless procedure causing lingering pain that made walking difficult.

I did not see any obvious swelling or discoloration, so hoped it wasn’t an infection (which I always worry about, even though I take care to disinfect and wear gloves when doing my shots). Ziggy, who had recently recovered from an injury himself, figured it was probably a grade two quad strain. I rested and applied ice packs, and when I went to pick up our race bibs at Sports Basement on Saturday, I bought a pair of compression tights.

I figured since I managed to walk several miles to and from the pickup location without collapsing in agony (though I was constantly aware of the pain) that I would at least be able to walk the race, if the pain didn’t get any worse. But I really wanted to run, as I have in every race I’ve ever done, no matter how slowly I needed to jog. So I decided to do 5 minute/1 minute run/walk intervals, which I’d been using for  longer runs.

I walked about three miles to the race start, arriving in plenty of time. Unlike most DSE races, all runners were pre-registered, so I didn’t need to worry about being misgendered at the registration table for once. The day started out overcast, but the sun soon came out, and I felt reasonably good during the race. The pain was still present, but subsided to more of a dull ache.

The interval strategy worked, and I managed to finish over a minute per mile faster than I expected, given my injury.  I even managed to do my usual finishing sprint. I suppose I shouldn’t have been too surprised at my time, as since I started on testosterone, most of my race finishes have been faster than expected for the level of training. Regardless, I’m glad that I was able to participate, even though I’ll likely be quite sore again tomorrow.

Ziggy finished with a very good time, and it was great that he was there for companionship and support.  Looking forward to more DSE races in the future!

Ziggy and Pax at Crissy Field
[Image: Ziggy and Pax pose with their race medals. Photo by Ziggy.]

Cissexism, Heterosexism, LGBTQIA, Trans

International Day Against Homophobia, Transphobia and Biphobia

[Image: San Francisco City Hall, lit in the pink and blue colors of the transgender pride flag.]

Today is the annual International Day Against Homophobia, Transphobia and Biphobia. Originally created in 2004 as International Day Against Homophobia (IDAHO), transphobia and biphobia were added to the acronym in 2009 and 2015, respectively. It is good to see an organization acknowledge the oft-forgotten B and T in the LGBT acronym.

I’d been using the words cissexism, trans-antagonism, and heterosexism in preference to transphobia and homophobia in recent years, because discrimination is not always based on fear, and also because of concern about ableism against people who have phobias. But I’ve been using transphobia more recently, because the bathroom legislation dominating the news is specifically rooted in fear-mongering. I’ve written numerous times about the ridiculousness of the bathroom laws already, but it bears repeating.

Allies can help by calling out any instances of bigoted or antagonistic comments that you hear from friends or acquaintances, either in person or on social media. There are a lot of false news stories and rumors about trans people spreading around, so make sure to check Snopes to verify anything questionable.

Thanks to Google for alerting me to this event by adding a link to this video from their home page, showing people fighting for justice and equality all over the world.